It’s nearly impossible to progress with Intuitive Eating without learning how to have self-compassion.I find that a lot of us with eating issues also have perfectionism issues. Or maybe if perfectionism doesn’t seem to fit for you, it’s just expecting a lot of yourself and always seeming to fall short somehow. Intuitive Eating and self-compassion go hand in hand.
First, I want to say that Intuitive Eating is not about being perfect. There are so many tools and food for thought (no pun intended) involved in the process. Putting them all into practice perfectly right out of the gate would be impossible! I promise. It’s about forward progress. Take it one step at a time. If you find that you just can’t give yourself unconditional permission to eat immediately for instance, but you’re doing great at not allowing yourself to get overly hungry–awesome!! That’s amazing progress. Congratulate yourself!
Practice Being Compassionate with Yourself Early in Your Journey
I want you to begin practicing being compassionate with yourself from the very start. There is no one in this world as hard on you as YOU! Begin to notice how many times a day you berate yourself. Note the things you’re telling yourself and what you’re hard on yourself about. It might be easiest to notice this around the topic of food and weight, but I ask you to broaden your scope a bit, too. Are you trying to be the perfect parent, or room mom, or student? Are you putting a lot of pressure on yourself to have the house perfectly clean or always be there for your loved ones or perform well at work? It’s absolutely OK to go after goals and to be present for your family. All I am asking you to look at is where are you being harder on yourself than you should.
You see, we often eat over not measuring up–feeling like we’re not “good enough” or haven’t done enough. It’s important to begin addressing some of the root causes that we go to food for comfort. If you’re constantly feeling bad about yourself–of course you want to comfort yourself with food! It takes you away from the pain of thinking you’re not measuring up, even if just for a few minutes.
Intuitive Eating and Self-Compassion: Where to Begin
You don’t have to dig deep for this. Simply begin noticing throughout your day where you are being hard on yourself. It might be easier for you to notice the thoughts, like “I can’t believe I forgot my kids’ class party today. What is wrong with me?” Or it might be easier for you to notice the feelings when they arise, like a heat sensation in your face when you feel ashamed about something you’ve done “wrong.” Whatever way feels most identifiable for you is what you should focus on.
What Self-Compassion Sounds Like:
Then, you’ll work on practicing self-compassion around the things you feel bad about. Self-compassion sounds like this:
“Oh shoot, I totally forgot about the class party today at my kid’s school! I was supposed to bring a treat. Ugh. Now I have disappointed my kid and embarrassed myself with all the teachers and other moms. (Deep breath). Ok, it’s not the end of the world. Everyone forgets things sometimes. I have been extra stretched thin lately. It makes sense that I would forget. It’s OK to feel sad that I missed it. I can apologize to everyone, and take my kid out for ice cream later. It’s OK. I’m allowed to be human, just like everyone else. ”
You are going to be practicing this self-compassionate voice as much as possible when you notice yourself being hard on yourself. If it feels hard or awkward at first, and it likely will, it’s OK. Just keep going. It takes practice, but eventually the nurturing voice predominates over the negative one. Then you get to live in the self-compassionate place, and that is where true freedom and power come from! Keep going!
If you’re interested in more on this topic, you may like my post on What It Sounds Like to Be an Intuitive Eater (hint: it includes self-compassion):
https://eatingrecoverycoach.com/2020/06/22/what-does-your-thinking-sound-like-as-an-intuitive-eater/
Or my list of 22 Body Image Coping Statements: https://eatingrecoverycoach.com/2020/06/04/22-body-image-coping-statements/
And, Eating Disorder Hope’s article on Eating Disorders and Letting Go of Perfectionism: https://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/information/eating-disorders-and-letting-go-of-perfectionism
